


Strange Dreams, Serene Dreams

by PalmsAndLions



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: (He Got Better), Dreamsharing, Forehead Touching, Light Angst, M/M, Past Character Death, Pre-Relationship, The Power Of Love, post ep 98
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:34:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23123326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PalmsAndLions/pseuds/PalmsAndLions
Summary: In a little sea-side cottage, Fjord and his friends enjoy a summer's day.orCaduceus tries his best.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 10
Kudos: 107





	Strange Dreams, Serene Dreams

The little cottage by the sea is better than anything Fjord ever dared to dream of in those rare, middle-of-the-night, boxed off moments in time when he dared to dream of the future. Faded yellow walls, windowsills overflowing with potted plants, crooked red tiled roof, blue skies and sea salt air, all come together to shape a home made all the more lovely by its imperfections. 

The sand and the sun and the air radiate heat as Fjord sits on the shore, taking it all in. From his vantage point on a large boulder, he can see most of his friends enjoying the bright summer day: Veth and Yeza watch over a hyperactive Luc wrestling a hyperactive Nugget, Jester serves as a raptured audience to Yasha, whose attempts at playing the harp have become a halfway decent accompaniment to Marion's wordless tune, Caleb and Essek work their way through some textbook or another under the shade of a dainty parasol, Beau...

Wait.

Something in Fjord skips a beat, not his heart but close enough it might as well be. Essek's presence is wrong somehow, he no longer occupies the space he had gently carved out in his mind and tentatively marked "friends", Fjord can't remember precisely why but this is _wrong-_

-Caleb and Beau sit side by side, touching from shoulder to hip in that comfortable manner they share with each other and almost no one else. It takes Fjord a moment to find Caduceus, but he spots him with Kiri in the garden by the front door, walking her through the motions of caring for the green shoots that will grow into something edible and nourishing in time. Caduceus glances in his direction, as if aware of his gaze, and waves at him.

"These are coming in quite nicely, aren't they?" Caduceus asks. Fjord finds himself standing beside them, bare feet sinking slightly into the patch of soil. He bends down to inspect the shoots, aware of Kiri's expectant gaze on him, before declaring, "Yes, you've done a wonderful job with them." Kiri's feathers flutter in excitement and pride and she runs off, wings flapping. 

The kitchen window is open, letting in the breeze, and Fjord peers in to watch Veth and Yasha peel a comically large pile of potatoes. As he watches, Caleb joins the two, his movements slow and methodical. 

In the living room, Yasha, Beau, and Reani make their way through a bottle of wine, the fireplace burning low but bright behind them. Reani's made them all flower crowns, and when he sits beside them, she drops one on his head, all green stems and pink flowers. Their conversation washes over him, the warm crackling of the fire filling his senses and lulling him into a near-sleep.

* 

"Fjord?"

"Mmmf." Fjord burrows deeper into the mattress, pressing his face into the warm body next to him.

"Fjord!"

He reluctantly opens his eyes, grumbling, and sees Caduceus sitting on the foot of the bed, shaking him awake. He looks shaken, eyes wide and nostrils flared, so Fjord sits up and rubs the sleep out of his eyes. Beside him, Caduceus shifts slightly in his sleep, reaching an arm out to the warm spot Fjord just left. Looking between the two of them, it seems to Fjord that the Caduceus who woke him seems sharper somehow. Even through the haze of interrupted sleep and darkness, he seems more… well, more Caduceus.

"Hey Deucey, is everything okay?"

Caduceus doesn't respond for a moment, shock and confusion written all over his soft features. When he does, the words leave him in a large burst: "Am _I_ okay?! Fjord, you _died_! Are _you_ okay?! You died and we brought you back- _I_ brought you back- but you haven't woken up, those orbs or keys or whatever they are won't let you, and it's been _days_ , and where are we? What's-"

Caduceus's eyes grow even wider when he notices the other Caduceus in the bed next to Fjord.

"Is. Is that me?"

"Yes. And we're trying to sleep Deucey, it's the middle of the night. You can join us if you want, you seem like you could use it."

And with that, Fjord curls back under the blanket. The other Caduceus doesn’t join them, and when Fjord peeks out to check on him he's gone.

* 

There's a darkness on the horizon. It's far and small (or perhaps it seems small because it's far?) and appears to be in constant flux, at some points more noticeable than others, but there it is. None of the Nein seem to notice, and Fjord would rather let them enjoy their time on the beach, so he refrains from mentioning it. Instead, he spends the day playing some strange game of Jester's invention, which involves a lot of running in the sand and very little in the way of rules. Fjord feels like he's won, but he can't be quite sure. He doesn't mind much either way.

* 

When the second Caduceus finds him once more, Fjord is in the kitchen. They sit facing each other, a large pitcher of lemonade on the table between them.

"I'm sorry about last night," Caduceus begins, "I was stressed and confused. I suppose you must be too?" 

"Not particularly." He means it as well, the day is too nice and the air is too clean and his friends are too happy to be anything but content. He can hear them through the wide-open kitchen window, can hear them talking and laughing and living. Being.

"Oh. Well, that's good. I think. Anyway, I Communed with the Wildmother the moment I woke up last time. A few times actually. Here's what I could gather: you are alive, but barely. Uk'otoa still has some sort of hold on you through those things you absorbed, and he's doing his best to make sure you never wake up. If you die, his new associates are free to continue the work of releasing him. Melora created this…this in-between space, if you will, for you. To tide you over and keep you strong for as long as possible. We're trying our best to bring you back before He does whatever it is he is attempting. Do you understand?"

Fjord nods. He is lying. Caduceus's eyes narrow, searching his face. He doesn't seem to like what he finds there, but he nods back anyway.

"In any case, the Wildmother can link me to this space when I'm asleep, so I'll check in on you every once in a while. Does that sound good?"

"Would you like some lemonade?"

Caduceus's face falls. That was obviously the wrong thing to say, but searching his memory to find where exactly he went wrong, Fjord finds that their conversation has flowed from his mind like water through cloth.

"Sure, why not. Thank you."

Fjord pours him a glass, condensation gathering almost instantly on the outer edge. Caduceus takes a sip, and makes a strange, contemplative face.

"Do you not like it? Is there not enough sugar?"

"No, it just tastes like nothing. Nothing at all."

* 

The dark spot on the horizon is closer, larger, and looks like it's spreading. The sky is no longer quite as bright, the day is no longer quite as warm. The sea-salt air has a slightly bitter tinge to it, like brackish water. Fjord and his friends attempt to brave the weather anyway, but retire indoors soon enough for the comfort and warmth of the fireplace. Veth tells them all a story about a group of travelers called the Fantastic Seven who travel far and wide, getting into mischief and the occasional moment of heroism. It's a comforting tale, and the younger members of the group fall asleep huddled together on the carpet halfway through. The others laugh and cheer and shed tears in all the right places, and Veth ends her telling with a curtsy. Fjord meets Caduceus's gaze, soaks in his delight and his smile. He smiles back.

* 

"I don't think we can figure this out Fjord."

This Caduceus is much less prone to smiling. It pains Fjord to see him so distraught, especially when he can't quite figure out why or how to fix it. He suspects that Caduceus has tried to explain it before, but it never seems to stick.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure you'll find a solution. You always do."

Caduceus attempts a smile at this. It makes him look even sadder.

"Not this time I'm afraid. Mr. Caleb has been working day and night trying to create something that will help, Jester and I have prayed and Communed and begged, Beau has yelled at every captain of every ship, and you're still asleep. I think this is a battle you'll have to fight on your own."

Fjord doesn't want to fight any battles. He wants to live in this house by the sea, he wants to watch over his friends, his _family_ , he wants to sit by the fireplace and laugh and cheer and cry. He wants to wipe away that crease from between Caduceus's eyebrows. He gets the feeling that the only way to do that last one is to fight anyway, so he will.

"All right. Just point me in the right direction, I suppose."

* 

Fjord doesn't need to leave the cottage or look out of the window to know he'll be staying in today. He can feel the damp, cold darkness seeping through the walls the moment he wakes. Instead, he wraps himself in his blanket, and makes his way to the living room. Everyone else seems to have had the same idea, so they make the largest blanket fort he has ever seen, and huddle together inside. Caduceus and Reani make them all hot chocolate and cookies, and whenever they leave for the kitchen to prepare another batch Fjord counts down the seconds until they return. He needs to have them all in his sight today.

*

Cold, biting darkness surrounds Fjord as he sits on the beach. There are no clouds in the sky, nor signs of storm, but all is gray and sapped of color. Sharper-Caduceus sits beside him, looking out to the horizon.

"It's about to begin. She can't hold him back any longer I'm afraid." Fjord wishes he knew exactly what he meant, if only so he could share in carrying the burden of whatever is making Caduceus look so worried behind the forced calm in his voice, but he doesn't. "Are you ready?" Even now, even looking as terrified as he does, Caduceus's voice is one of Fjord's favorite sounds.

"Your voice is lovely", Fjord says.

Caduceus's eyes are full of tears when he turns to face him, reaching a large, soft hand out to cup his cheek. Fjord never wants to be the one who causes him pain, but lately he's been doing nothing but. 

"Fjord, I need you to listen to me. I'm waking up. You're going to have to do this alone."

His hand shifts to grip his neck, and he presses their foreheads together. Fjord closes his eyes and tries to commit this moment to his memory: the gentle pressure of Caduceus's hand and forehead, the sound of his breathing, that earthy, mossy smell that has slowly become just as much 'home' as sea-salt on the air is.

"Please, please fight. Come home to us. Come home to _me_."

When Fjord opens his eyes, he's alone on the beach. Except for the darkness. Because the darkness is not just an absence of light, it's a presence in itself. It writhes and shifts and reaches out for Fjord, reaches out with tendrils or tentacles or claws or kelp, and Fjord knows that if it gets him it will never let him go. 

He nearly falters then, the enormity of the task ahead overwhelming his senses. Instead, he summons memories of his friends. He thinks of days on the beach and in this home, of days he can't remember but can feel, of the ways they have changed him and he has changed them. He summons memories of Caduceus, the one who is more himself, pinker and grayer and mossier and sadder. He thinks of pressing a kiss to that crease between his eyebrows. 

He summons his sword. He faces the darkness.

* 

The first thing Fjord sees when he opens his eyes are the boarded rafters of his room on the Ball-Eater. The second is Caduceus.

"Hello there," he says. "Welcome back." There are tears in his eyes but the sadness is gone, replaced by an elated joy. Fjord can't help but smile back.

"Hi, Caduceus."

Before he can say anything else his arms are full of little blue tiefling, and it seems like a dam has broken because suddenly they're all there, jostling him and laughing and cheering and crying. He has so much to say to them, and he's sure that he needs to thank Caduceus (though the details of what exactly he has to thank him for are hazy and fading with every passing moment). But for now he basks in their love for him and in his love for them and in the fact that he's alive, oh so alive.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I named this after Autumn Orange tracks. Yes, I wrote much of this while listening to Refjorged. What of it?  
> This is Unbeta'd and very lightly edited because I worked my ass off to get this up before episode 99 aired. 
> 
> Many thanks to the offical fjorclay discord, who have kept me great company in these trying times.


End file.
